He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
