The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
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