I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
