maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
