But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
