She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
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