Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
The uberlube is also flammable
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
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