I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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