theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Randomize
