Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
