I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
