Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I have tasted many bathrooms
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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