she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
