Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
