Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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