dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
