so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
if only i could text you this smell
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Randomize
