Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
