My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Randomize
