I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Randomize
