We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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