3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Randomize
