I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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