dude i'm inner monologue high
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
