Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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