so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Randomize
