Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
