your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Randomize
