I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
