If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
