Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
