Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
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