I cannot find my penis.
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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