he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
