The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
where are my eyebrows?
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
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