Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
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