Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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