my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
