it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
