Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
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