Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Randomize
