His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
