this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
