i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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