Cold hands, warm shart.
so let's talk penis.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
whose ass print is on the piano?
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
