And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
He kissed a someone with a penis
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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