so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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