My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Randomize
