Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Randomize
