And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
