I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
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