you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Randomize
