it's too hot outside to masturbate.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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