Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
